I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
