Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am available for nakedness
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
