I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
