My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
