Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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