So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
