Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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