Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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