Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
