Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
