do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
