I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
