Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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