We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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