and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
