Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
