no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
