she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
