i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
