Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
