There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
