she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
