How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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