If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
