My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
