she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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