During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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