I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
