we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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