You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
