I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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