is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
