the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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