A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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