The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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