Do you still have your period?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
