Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she told me i tasted like america
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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