Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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