His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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