Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
