you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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