WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
