I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
