this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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