I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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