You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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