So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
