also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
