that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
