i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
