You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
