I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
