I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
